As a youth organisation leader I have a responsibility to try and "teach" or maybe that should be encourage and develop the young people to have confidence and self esteem. It seems very hypo-critical when I do this I am giving advice and instigating discussions for which the very core of I am not following.

I find it very hard to actual instigate a game or activity which encourages the young poeple to consider these issues....

Any ideas?

FORD

I have tackled the issue of self esteem with them (but for me personnally it was very difficult I wasnt at all comfortable with the subject matter and so they didnt get the best from me) - the YP of today are well aware of the issues which contribute to self esteem having covered the subject at school. They are in a safe environment and so feel happy enough to discuss it, it is me that has the issue not them. And so rather than confront and work through the supplied resources I have ignored it - which is not very professional.

FORD

Thanks for explaning that Ford, so it's about how you handle the topic because of your own personal difficulties...

Yes Martin that is correct.

I have an obligation to help the YP with this subject - as this is one of the subjects the parent organisation has asked us to work with the YP on....but it is me that has the issue, not the YP.

FORD

I hear that it is you that has the issue with self esteem. Probably because you do not have much self esteem yourself. When you do not have knowledge of something, it is hard to teach it to others. To me self esteem is about finding out who you are and learning to become comfortable with that, warts and all. I see individuals as unique, we all are. What some people do, when they have not got self esteem, is to measure themselves against other people. When we have self esteem, we feel ok about ourselves, whether we measure up to others or not.

I think the only real way that you can become comfortable and confident with this is to work through your own self esteem issues. I guess it's like anyting in life - if we can't do it for ourselves then it's very hard to do it for others. It takes time but you can do it - and as you do so it will become easier to help others - there is no way round it, it has to start with self. As you do it you will find that those kids have much to teach you too!

Fran xx

This is a bit off topic to this thread, for which I apologise, but martin's post really makes me want to ask - martin, I've often wondered what attracts you to come onto this site when you're so very against the idea of therapy?! It seems to come up over and over again, I just wonder what it is you find so threatening about the idea of therapy.

I'll like to add that I didn't read Fran's post as saying therapy is the only way. what I read was that she was suggesting to work through own self esteem issues. which is what i heard ford asking - how to work through own issues in order to be able to work with the YP better. and I guess I am wondering how Ford would like to approach this?

Well I know that I have self esteem issues, there are many days when I hate myself and what I represent, I havent resolved the mistakes and wrong paths I have taken in my past. But most of the time when I am working with the YP I seem to be able to get beyond all of this, I want to share my skills and the knowledge I have with others, I get some "job satisfaction" seeing the shy new member grow and develop until they choose to leave....But all of this doesnt address the issue for me, that I have been asked to "teach" something which I cannot learn from a book, so how can I address the issues?

FORD

Hope Im reading this ok but what I took from your post that you find it easier to develop others confidence but where do you start with yourself.

Its easier to be objective with others than yourself.

Where do you start? What about identifying where you lack confidence and keeping a journal daily, writing down experiences and what went really well and what areas you felt jittery on. You may find a common thread or have one or two areas where you lack confidence. What areas do you find you are confident in? This will enable you to place thoughts on paper.

Would you prefer to work in a group of like minded people to build up confidence or working one to one e.g lifecoaching, therapy, creative arts or finding a hobby that will enable you to develop confidence?

How about talking to others about their experiences or find someone else who wants to work as a mentor, buddy, friend.

I guess youve established you want to work at developing this. This is a great place to start at!!!!! I know how Ive developed on here just by writing thoughts down here and receiving feedback.

Hope this makes sense. Good luck on your journey

I think you already have your answer Ford - you will find a way. xx

I do?

I wish I could share your optisim - I am struggling to see the light at the end of this particular tunnel.

I do not think anyone can "teach" self esteem. You can encourage YP to express themselves. You can ask them questions to see how they feel. You can even organise activities for them, but self esteem is something that grows in an encouraging environment. Now Assertiveness is something else. This can be taught. Self esteem has to do with believing in oneself, a kind of "I can do it" attitude. This is what needs encouragement.

Ok so are we saying that this is not something I can actually teach - what I am teaching them is awareness of self esteem issues? How does that actually make it an easier for me?

My worry is that in teaching them to understand self esteem they will see my weaknesses and then they will think less of me?

When I am with the YP I will always give 100% plus, for example when we last went canoeing they all wanted to jump in at the end but were too afraid (or similar) so I took a running jump and went in first (for that second I hadnt considered the anxiety it was more of a split second decision) but I wanted them to have fun and they wanted to jump in so I showed them it was safe. (I had a bouyancy aid on, I already knew the depth of the water and the floor was a muddy (and the instructors had said it was safe)) so this wasnt an irresponsible action))...

Dont actually know what I am trying to illustrate...

FORD

Hi Ford,

I agree with Gillian. Self esteem cannot be 'taught'!

It can be developed through a therapeutic relationship which offers both challenge and support. The challenge of incorrect or illogical perceptions and beliefs is a major part of the process as is bringing into awareness those aspects of self that the individual may be unaware of or denying. This is a frightening and emotional process that could become destructive or counterproductive so that the support and UPR of the therapist is necessary.

Both the client and the therapist need to want the process to effect change so that they will not be disheartened or disillusioned by the process and its false turns, twists, and machinations.

Additionally, I believe it is not a suitable condition for brief therapy. There will often be exciting insights and breakthroughs but without reinforcement over a long period there benefit will be brief.

So Ford,be prepared for a long period of hard work with someone who may seem 'not nice' to you for a lot of the time.

Andy

I dont believe self esteem can be taught either... its too emotionally entrenched, thats not to say its set in stone though, I think self esteem grows through positive experiences and re-learning, but telling someone how good they are or what they are good at, although nice and useful and far better than negative responses, would still be largely like water off a ducks back in terms ot tackling a sense of low self worth.

Well I just think it would for me in any case