Life's rich tapestry ????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for keeping it all going--I am sure at times it is aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ok after my extreme hissy fit i have cleared my mind and ready for this now so here goes. Firstly Dibs kindly formulated a revised contract back last week I will print here and then continue.

Please stick to these rules to keep this a safe place to post and get support.

1. This forum does not offer counselling. Support can be gained from members however this is very different from counselling. If you need to find your own personal counsellor there are guidelines given in .......... of this forum.
2. This forum is open to a range of individuals. Please respect individual differences.
3. Please introduce yourself on the "introduction" forum before you start posting and replying to posts. So everyone knows a lil bit about you and feels a lil safer.
4. It is OK to swear and cuss; anger and frustration is just another feeling/emotion and needs to be heard and acknowledged. But please do not to attack other members of this site.
5. You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-oriented or any other material that may violate any applicable laws, including pornographic or adult content, and links to other sites with such content. Doing so may lead to you being immediately and permanently banned (and your service provider being informed). The IP address of all posts is recorded to aid in enforcing these conditions.
6. You agree that the webmaster, administrator and moderators of this forum have the right to remove, edit, move or close any topic at any time should they see fit. The webmaster, administer and moderators do not have to justify the removal, editing or closure of a post/topic, but may choose to if that mod/admin chooses.
7. As a user you agree to any information you have entered being stored in a database. While this information will not be disclosed to any third party without your consent the webmaster, administrator and moderators cannot be held responsible for any hacking attempt that may lead to the data being compromised.
8. While the administrators and moderators of this forum will attempt to remove or edit any generally objectionable material as quickly as possible, it is impossible to review every message. Therefore you acknowledge that all posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author and not the administrators, moderators or webmaster (except for posts by these people) and hence will not be held liable.
9. This forum system uses cookies to store information on your local computer. These cookies do not contain any of the information you have entered above; they serve only to improve your viewing pleasure. The e-mail address is used only for confirming your registration details and password (and for sending new passwords should you forget your current one).
10. It is OK to put a website link into your signature, if the link is about self growth or/and other support forums. We do not allow advertising websites who support pornography, gambling and other nasty things like that!!!
11. There are private areas of the forum – access can be gained by sending a PM to one of the Admin staff. Please note anything said in a private forum should not be repeated on open forum.
12. Anything written in a PM is private between two members and should not be repeated on open forum. (including real names)
13. Should there ever be any disagreement among members, please PM the admin or one of the mods to help solve any misunderstandings.
14. If there ever should be any problems with people who come in here to harm this forum or any other member we will have to ban them. We hope this will never happen, but if it does we will first talk to these people in PM and try to resolve things. If that doesnt work we will have to kick them out, Sorry... but safety first.

ok so now to the views of members expressed in bullet points (well Teddy points)

change nothing (thank you Martin)
Personal sapces haveing members boundaries stated by member
Member of own personal space making the decision if post is helpful or not and then contacting mod for action.
Keep strong views away from members personal space.
Members not to address other members in personal spaces as this deflects from the members journey and space.
Place for may trigger on board(This includes topics moved that have been found to offend other members)
Addition of disputes and protocals to follow
Mod/admin making decision if posts seem to be escalating to move to rants and rave.
Mod/admin decision final
Dont bring things from private space to open forum. If a subject has been opened in private space this can be taken to open forum but without referrence to personal space or named members.
Official warning system for rule breaking
Members to use/ask for own space to explore issues brought up by other members not the open area.

is that it?

befor posting new members to make small introduction. If members just come to view and not post this not needed.

i would like it made clear that if something that another member says or does upsets or causes distress and they are warned about this then it is expected that they don't do it again and if this happens they will be banned. xx

Thank you Fran It does seem I missed this one Sorry.
I have amended above so not to confuse this is an original draft and can be added or amended for the next week and finalised next weekend all members input is appreciated.

To calrify The rules above which were origainally given to me by Dibs over a week ago were an attempt to re construct the rules based on were we were at then., It was then decided to do this review on the open board and new comments taken into account befor formulating new contract those are shown below Dibs's. Now its up to us to decide on a final complete set using both

This comment was made and suggested by Fran can I invite Fran to say a litlle more on this one for us Gilly. I know it does not mean only members spaces to be used by said member it relates to questioning of other members within that deflect from original members space . Fran can you explain better than me?

No Gilly. What it means is that a members space is theirs and other members can reply and support them but can not bring in a second member. For example, Member A has a private space. Member B and member C support Member A in this space. But one day member B decides to ask member C a question that is personlised to member C, but in member A's space. that is not acceptable.

Anyone else add to this if they can explain better than me.

Changes, I believe that was actually suggested by me.

dibs, you've explained it well, I think.
Basically to not start a discussion with anyone's space that isn't addressed to the member whose space it is, and not starting to challenge other people's replies in someone's private space.

Fran wrote

Quote:

That also means that we do not address other members personally in a way that invites a response on someone elses thread because that also deflects away from the member whose thread it is and puts the other member in a very awkward position too

I quoted Fran as

Quote:

Members not to address other members in personal spaces as this deflects from the members journey and space

My reason for changeing view (quote) was to just simplify what Fran had said for the purpose of bullet points.

Josephine you also have mentioned this to in another area of this discussion not that it matters who said what ( to some) and others it does (some) but I am trying my best to not mis quote or imply others views when not I feel its important for those suggesting view to be accredited with that view. Im sorry if this has caused mis understanding.

No worries, Changes.

I thought it was from my comments because on page 1 I had said:

josephine wrote:

Maybe there should be a rule about people not starting debate with each other in someone else's private space (unless the person whose space it is wants that, of course)? In other words, all replies in someone's private space should be directed at the person whose space it is.

Not that it matters who said it, just pointing it out for the sake of it.

I'm getting confused now! I hope this answers everyones questions although i think others have already answered it for me:

I am just asking that we stay with the person whose thread it is - with where they are. It's about common sense and respect for others. So we do not come in and start debating something different because this takes it away from what is happening for that person.This includes starting a debate with someone else who is there to help.

I see us all doing that but it was only recently that issues arose where this became a problem.

Quote:

Fran wrote: i would like it made clear that if something that another member says or does upsets or causes distress and they are warned about this then it is expected that they don't do it again and if this happens they will be banned. xx

This is why i wrote this - it can be very distressing when someone does the above explained and that is what i was saying - it's not about saying the exact same thing, it's about coming in and saying things that are not about what is being felt or discussed by the person whose thread it is or trying to start a debate with another member that is not appertaining to the person whose thread it is and where debate is inappropriate - and if someone continues to do that after being warned that it has upset someone on a number of occasions then that is not acceptable.

DW - i hope that answers your question?

Sue, you shortened it to:

Quote:

Members not to address other members in personal spaces as this deflects from the members journey and space

Yes that is ok. I agree - keep it as succinct as possible as the more rules we have the more difficult it can be.

Josephine put it very well too:

Quote:

Basically to not start a discussion with anyone's space that isn't addressed to the member whose space it is, and not starting to challenge other people's replies in someone's private space.

This is about common sense. If we say something and are told that it has upset and that infact what has been said is way off how that person feels and has caused hurt, then to keep on mentioning it in diffferent ways all over the forum is, in my opinion, unacceptable. It's that type of behaviour that i am talking about.

Fran xx

edited.. and thanks to Dibs for replying below.

Please keep to topic thread here thank you. Any further digress will be removed

Hi Fran, thanks for replying.

Fran wrote:

I am just asking that we stay with the person whose thread it is - with where they are. It's about common sense and respect for others. So we do not come in and start debating something different because this takes it away from what is happening for that person.This includes starting a debate with someone else who is there to help.

Understood and agreed.

Fran wrote:

If we say something and are told that it has upset and that infact what has been said is way off how that person feels and has caused hurt, then to keep on mentioning it in diffferent ways all over the forum is, in my opinion, unacceptable. It's that type of behaviour that i am talking about.

Again, understood and agreed. However, if someone keeps on mentioning the same thing in different ways then (assuming that there's no malicious intent) maybe that says that it's important for them to be heard? Because of this, maybe it'd be useful to have some kind of process to take this into account and at least allow that person to say why it's so important to them to keep mentioning it - maybe in their own space or away from the public forums?

Quote:

Fran wrote: i would like it made clear that if something that another member says or does upsets or causes distress and they are warned about this then it is expected that they don't do it again and if this happens they will be banned. xx

I'm still not too sure about my interpretation of this though. Does this mean that, on their second warning - whether for the same thing or a different thing - the person gets banned, i.e. two strikes and you're out? Or am I being too literal?