I have found this explanation a very usefull tool whenl dealing with the three ways of being aggressive assertive and passive. In groups you could ask the members to identify those traits that belong to self and then discuss openly with group. On a more challenging level the group could be asked to share their feelings about others behaviour. I used this handout with my students on anger management course and also self esteem course.

Passive Assertive Aggressive Behavior
No matter what problems bring people into therapy, I am amazed at the number of people who have difficulties with assertiveness. Here is a hand out that my clients have found helpful. (*From an anonymous handout, with additional information from Dr. Gore)

NOTE: This page does NOT discuss passive-aggressive behavior. For a discussion of this issue, (see below)

WHAT IS PASSIVE BEHAVIOR?
It allows others to choose for you.
It denies you feelings.
It rarely gets you what you want.
It shows that you think little of yourself.
It diminishes your self-respect.
It helps others to walk all over you.
It may or may not be based on self-awareness.
It requires self-discipline.
It often leads to an emotional explosion.
It alternates between powerlessness and outbursts of anger.
It leads to isolation, you tend to run away from people, places and things.
It creates a mentality of "victimhood" which then fuels more passive behavior, which leads to more feelings of "victimhood," which continues in a painful,debilitating cycle. You CAN stop this cycle.

WHAT IS ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR?
It is active behavior.
It is behavior that allows you to choose for yourself.
It expresses how you feel.
It has a good chance of achieving your goal.
It increases your self-respect.
It improves your relationships with others.
It is based on a great deal of self-awareness.
It requires self-discipline.
It leads to conflict resolution.
It helps set and maintain better boundaries between you and others.
It leads to personal power.

> Assertive behaviors are difficult to achieve, but striving for assertiveness is worth any amount of effort.

WHAT IS AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR?
It is active behavior.
It chooses for others as well as for you.
It expresses how you feel.
It shows that you think the world revolves around you.
It achieves your goal with no regard for the rights of others.
It breaks down your relationships with others.
It is based on limited self-awareness.
It leads to power that is frequently rebelled against.

> Aggressive people have difficulty in seeing why they are often lonely and how they push people away.

> Assertiveness can be situational -- you may assert yourself with some people and in some places, and not in others.

> If you are passive in some situations, you can tend to become aggressive in others.

> If you are passive, you can build up anger and resentment and "explode" into aggressive behavior-bypassing assertive behavior
altogether.

* Assertive people are good time managers.
* Assertive people can ask for what they want.
* Assertive people can say "YES." Assertive people can say "NO" (NO is a complete sentence)
* Assertive people can accept a compliment. Assertive people can accept criticisms.
* Assertiveness can be learned

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE TRAITS (says Man but is the same as woman)

*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.


*FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance.


*FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.


*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.


*FOSTERING CHAOS - The p/a man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone.


*FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.


*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.


*PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.


*CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.


*AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages and sitting on fences. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.


*SULKING - Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the p/a man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws.


A passive-aggressive man won't have every single one of these traits, but he'll have many of them. He may have other traits as well, which are not passive-aggressive.