Hi Guys,

I posted something tonight in a persons private space (a question) and it was removed by one of the board adminstrators. I was sad that I was not sent a PM asking 'me' to remove it as I would have preferred that approach but, hey ho, can't have it all my way. If it is felt more appropriate to place my question elsewhere thats great and not an issue for me.

I just want to share my sadness at this moment that I can't seem to connect anymore with Fran, Katie, and Josephine. I seem to have no contact with them here anymore. That's quite sad. I am not asking to be allowed into their private spaces because I know that what I wrote there previously you were all uncomfortable with.

One other thing I'd like your VERY honest feedback on is whether anything I write is of much interest now. What a waste of time it would be if I was sat here scribbling away and it was not of use to anyone or, more worrying, inappropriate!

Anyway, enough said for tonight.

Take care and enjoy tomorrow! Hope it's sunny!!!

Martin x

Martin, I know I'm fairly new so maybe shouldnt be commenting, but I just want to say you have answered my posts and I have valued your words and found them really helpful and I have found the other posts of yours I have read interesting. I cant imagine anything you would say that would not be!

Hope you are okay

xx

I think the question that was removed was about what kind of therapy Kanga "should" be in? I feel that the question of therapy is for Kanga to answer for herself. I feel that you posted this in an area that you were allowed to be in Martin. (I am assuming you have always been allowed in Kanga's posts.) I am sorry that it was removed. It was a challenging question, but I did not find it offensive. I value your input here Martin.

Hello Martin

I am still here and have been reading your kind and supportive posts here lately. Perhaps your post on Kangas thread was valid but not there? - in a way it's for kanga to ask such questions perhaps? That is the only reason i removed you from my space ( i couldn't stand that type of debate when i was vulnerable), but it doesn't mean i am not here to 'connect' with you and i am happy to chat here. When such questions are taken into an open thread we can choose whether to go there or not and that is good. Sometimes i would like to engage with you in a more emotional way and i would prefer if the only way i engaged with you was not in a debate - because then i also feel 'shut out' because i feel i can't get to you and your feelings - debate keeps us away from our feelings and in our thinking state. Does that make sense? Right now i feel i can get close because you have told me how you feel - you have given me your feelings. Then i can start to feel with you - and i hear you saying you feel alone here at the moment and you are asking to have a connection with others. That is sad as i also know the pain of that aloneness and i am reaching back to you with compassion and a hug!!

I am interested in what you have to say ok - you are valued here - just not in very personal spaces when there is someone there who is in such great pain they might not be able to cope with it. I have heard you being able to just stay with the feelings - you have been doing it this week. That is far more powerful ok - you need do no more.

Fran xx

Hi Martin,

I'm sorry that the situation wasn't handled how you wished. You post was valid but was not in an appropriate place. If you would like to start a debate without personalising it to any member then anyone who wants to join in the debate can do.

I am only responding to this because you have mentioned my name in your post. I had nothing at all to do with what happened to your post yesterday and I feel quite annoyed you've brought me into this once again.

You have never had permission to view my private space and I have no obligation to explain to you why, and I certainly won't go into that on a public post like this one.

I hear you're worrying that your posts might not be of any interest to me anymore. It is not my job to reassure you that they are, and it's my choice whether I interract with you on here or not.

I know I have a tougher line on this than most others but this is my boundary at this point of time and it's not up for negotiation. I would appreciate it if you stopped bringing my name into these debates. I have expressed my opinion several times before and to be honest this whole thing by now is too much hassle than what it's worth.

Im sorry you feel pushed out or not listened to Martin and your post removed without explanation, I did not see the post in question so cannot comment of its unhelpfulness or because it was suggesting how the members therapy 'should be' yet I gues reading between the lines this is not the issue here its how you feel. I guess it sounds like you have been targeted and this leaves you feeling hurt and not interesting enough to be writing here

Quote:

One other thing I'd like your VERY honest feedback on is whether anything I write is of much interest now. What a waste of time it would be if I was sat here scribbling away and it was not of use to anyone or, more worrying, inappropriate

All your posts are appropriate to you Martin you cannot control how others will view them or even except them. You have your own unique way of approaching other posts and I never see anything abusive or intentionally hurtfull its just sometimes were the other person is at that then makes it so . You are such a kind and loving thoughtful soul Martin one who goes out of his way to try to help and take pain away, you have worked so much on yourself over these years and that is to be commended you have found many answers to your troubles and its admirable that you want to share these discoveries with others in their pain. I can understand and hear your love of others in shareing and although I know you are not telling and advising and saying should must etc its how its sometimes comes across to some.

I agree with Fran that lately your posts have been very empowing to others in that you have listened to pain and allowed the person to be in it without the need to pull out and rescue this is a skill and one you are learning. Most people in pain and on a journey of discovery will have had many people tell them what to do and how to be and coming here is a chance mot to have that. for those that want that can go to dear Driedre or such there is lots of advice sites

Please keep posting Martin.
with much respect and love xx

Our posts crossed Josephine. I agree with Dibs that perhaps any further debate could be more about self rather than other members, keeping away from personising things.

Hi Martin

I value your posts and have learnt and been challenged from them in the past and continue to do so in the future.

I have learnt a lot about myself with interractions with yourself and others on the forum. I do feel that you put yourself out to be open and want honest feedback from others

That's provided some reassurance thank you to everyone who took the time to reply.

I was very close to leaving (again!) and I am still wondering if what I write is going to be too confrontational for some. Perhaps to challenging. Or perhaps lacking the 'experience' that others here have. Nothing I write here is intended to belittle anyone, in fact quite the opposite.

My counselling experience is very limited of course and I feel intimidated when those of you with some years of therapy and experience challenge me. What I 'have' learnt is to limit the times I write about 'my own' stuff unless I feel it can be done in a way that shows how lifes difficulties can be fought.

I'm also sorry that mentioning a persons name on my thread provokes a strong response sometimes. I find that so strange when what I'm doing is reaching out and trying to connect.

I have a fear of you Fran and thats what I am struggling with at the moment. A fear that anything I put here will be challenged (by you) in ways that don't give me the opportunity to learn.

I might try to explore that in time.

I have a very cognitive style I think and maybe that 'at times' puts a distance between myself and others on this forum. I rarely accept things at face value and I have this intense desire to understand things at a deeper level. That trait can be annoying to some I know.

Best wishes, Martin

..

i posted earlier because i felt i had to respond but actually i didn't really want to because this stuff causes me too much confusion and hurt and i'm not in the right place to be debating the rights and wrongs of my responses right now. i hope you understand martin. i'm not shutting you out i'm just not ready or strong enough or far along enough in my journey to be questioning all these things about myself. at the moment i'm just learning to feel and to think for myself and express those things. some of the thoughts may seem negative and self-defeating - i do appreciate that - but at the same time they are very real for me and i need to release them before i start to challenge them. i have to acknowlege the problem before i can tackle it. for example....i have to be able to say and identify that this is what is painful for me, this is what i hate about myself, this is what i find difficult...once i've done that and got rid of the horrible stuff inside me...then i can start to think well how can i change that or how can i work through that or how can i just accept that that is the way it is. i'm not quite there yet.

i realise that this place serves different purposes for different people. i guess what i'm looking for is a safe place where i can reveal my inner feelings and pain without judgement. possibly you are looking for more stimulation and intellectual debate? and that is absolutely fine i have nothing against that - this site is for everyone - i just choose not to have it in my personal space. i'm not necessarily looking for answers or a solution. i know its not that easy. my space is just an outlet. it feels comforting to know that someone out there is listening and will sit with me a little while when i'm alone or who will support me when i'm feeling lost and confused. i'm not looking for expert advice. i will find my way it is just going to take time.

i hope that makes sense and i hope you will continue to post here and to learn and grow.

love katie
x

Katie, I read your first post and felt sad. I will not comment here about that now as I see you have deleted your post. I am glad though that you have come back to post again and have said this:

katie wrote:

i posted earlier because i felt i had to respond but actually i didn't really want

Sometimes in life I feel I HAD to do things, whereas I didn't really want to. It is ok not to have responded.

I hear that you need your private space as somewhere to express yourself and feel supported, not challenged. You will do that yourself in your own time.

I appreciate your input Martin, precisely because I feel it is often from a different perspective than most opinions on here, and I also get the feeling that it's always offered with good intent. Difference is good - it's thought-provoking.

PLEASE , WHOEVER REMOVED MARTINS QUESTION FROM MY SPACE,
CAN YOU PLEASE PUT IT BACK,
FAILING THAT MARTIN PLEASE CAN YOU POST IT AGAIN??

i didnt get on the forum yesterday so missed all this
im really annoyed that something was removed from my space
the people i invite there are welcome to post what they choose

no doubt it was done with the best of intentions but its my space and i decide what is appropriate or not or theres not much point being here

I hear you are very angry Kanga. I will not repost Martin's post. I am sorry if this upset you. The post in your section was personalised to someone else. I understand it is your space and people who you invite are free to post whatever, but when something is personalised to someone else, and is deemed inappropriate, then it will be removed. This isn't about you Kanga.

I'm sorry you are so annoyed by this.

i think it would have been appropriate to include me in this decision

after all it is a private space and martin obvioulsy offered his thoughts
TO ME, i respect that other members might not like it but to just remove without me having even seen it seems very heavy handed.

i am sorry that fran was so upset with the post but i dont want my private space brought into anyone elses disagreements.

so for the record, please can everyone in my private space only visit if they feel strong enough to read the posts which may or may not include them.
cheers

it seems like this thread is starting to go around in circles again. i think that by now everyone seems to be aware of peoples stance on this subject. speaking for myself i think i made it clear that i don't have a problem with debate/challenge etc but that i just don't want things directed to me personally in my own space. some are ok with that and some aren't. i don't think there should be a problem if everyone respects each others boundaries on this subject. i just feel that by carrying on talking about this its just going to cause more upset - i don't think anyone is going to change their opinion and i don't think they have to.