The art of conversation

Sparking up a conversation can be seriously tricky, especially if you find yourself sitting next to somebody who on first glance seems to have absolutely nothing in common with you. Ros Taylor provides some useful tips...



With no obvious common ground to fall back on, it can be tough to break the ice and keep conversation going with a complete stranger. But there are techniques that we can learn to help in such dilemmas.

How do I do it?
There are four topics of conversation that everybody can contribute to. These are F-O-R-E, which stand for:

family
occupation
recreation
education


The great thing about these topics is that they're pretty universal. Most people have had - or have - a family. The same goes for a job. Most people like doing things in their spare time - even if it's watching television. And of course, we all had to go to school at some point in our lives. So everyone we meet will be able talk about at least one of these subjects.

What is so useful about having these topics up your sleeve is that it actually allows you not to have to do too much. If you don't want to talk then you can sit back and listen to what's being said. On the other hand you may be interested in what the other person has to say and join in enthusiastically - the options are there.

It's a common misconception that good conversationalists always have amazing stories to tell and a well of jokes to dip into. In fact, what most people want from conversation is dialogue and interaction, not just one-way traffic.

A good way of creating this flow of dialogue is by asking questions in a specific way. For example, questions like: "Do you live in London?" can be answered with a "Yes" or "No" reply - not very good for nurturing conversation. Whereas: "Where do you live?" has scope for a longer, and hopefully more interesting reply. This is an open-ended question.

As a general rule:

Questions starting with 'are' or 'do' are closed questions, generating yes or no answers.
Questions starting with 'what', 'where', 'which', 'who' and 'when', are open questions, which need fuller answers.


If you're looking for something a little deeper and more involved then you could try out the probing questions. These start with words like 'how', 'why' and 'in what way'. But make sure you find the person interesting before you do this, as it might mean saying goodbye to an evening talking to others! Good luck.