Everyone interested in counselling and life that includes counsellors and non counsellors. In fact all humans and if you have a talented cat him/her too ::

Advice here on boards is not counselling and should be taken very lightly

sue

Martin recently asked me the personal reasons I set up this board. Initially it was because during my training i looked for something similar and couldnt find it (i am going back a fews years now) During my ending of Dip I did find some simlilar but they lacked personal touch they were more informative and did not have regular members it was more a shareing of info and invite was not there for people to share expereinces and their life. I wanted a space that not just consellors could come too but those seeking a place of support to (not counselling) I know there are places to go for online counselling I never set this place up for that. (although I do understand its a fine line) I wanted a place that dismistified counselling that took away its High on a hill top for some place and took away its sometimes scary image of in the words of Bowlby "stuffed shirts" I wanted a place that trainees could come and get info advice in their training and could freely use this space to help with awareness and self developement. I remember during my training the need of a safe space outside of group, I personally took every moment of my existance and breathed lived counsellign training and learning about self I had had intense therapy for years now i was the other side . I wanted a space away from the work of counsellor away form college and group I wanted similar but diff....

I came across then one day a site belonging to the charity counselling Uk and they had one just like I was intersted in and I bacame the third member of that forum it just so happened that I came across it the day after it began strange how the world works. Anyhow after a few succesful years with that one I became a Mod then admin then it was closing down so I begun this one some members came with me. And the rest as they say is history

The forum has grown in the years and now has a life of its own it develops it changes it goes forward and who knows were it will go and how it will go but i know it will continue in some form.

Hugs to you all xxx

thank you sue

thank you for who you are
thank you for what you are
thank you for being you

thank you for having a heart big enough to reach out to each and every one of us in what ever state we are in, and thank you for being the stabilizing force here



love
rusty
xx

Thank you for being a part in this place to and thank you for your thank you's

Sue, thank you.

This place provided me with a space to share my uncertanties. It provided a place of comfort and more recently it's providing me with a place for personal growth.

I was thinking about this place the other day, a little disappointedly I must admit, and what i realised is how much this forum mimics life.

I wont elaborate on that but I wonder if others see that too.

Martin

True Martin it does this has been discussed elsewere on this forum within all groups that set up people tend to resort to typical behaviour and personalitiesthat appear in their outside groups (life) . The bully continues to bully the victim stays in that mode , the facilitator, the rescuer, the inventor, The antagonist, the devils advocate, interacters and non interactors contributers and non contributers all the individuals establishing their personal identities in the group and make some impression on others. There is however another noticeable thing that can happen within a group that is removed from the persons outside world and hidden from others is the allowing of parts that have been denied or deemed as not acceptable so bringing those parts into awareness and through this into a place of assimilation acceptance into self. Wow im on a waffle now Anyhow Martin Im wondering now about my role here ? Group effectiveness is not just happenstance. It is not a
matter of luck. Instead, effective groups are orchestrated,
much as good symphonies are conducted from well-written
scores.

"A group is a number of people gathered together to
accomplish a task. If a group is to be effective, its task
must be clearly identified and group members must reach a
common understanding and acceptance of their purpose
together. Group efforts are focused toward fulfilling the
stated task, or resolving the problems identified" and thats not always an easy task

Thank you Sue for your efforts in putting this forum together and for your patience when it hasn't been easy. For wanting to keep something alive from the counselling UK times, which I remember. For allowing people to be human, even counsellors. For Winnie the Pooh and his wisdom. For always being supportive of me. For the opportunity I had of being a moderator. (it aint easy). For all the creative ways this forum has been created and re-created. For all the ups and downs.
Yes this forum does mimic life, if it didn't I wouldn't be here.

Yes and thank you for banning me and therefore keeping the forum safe and protected from the very abusive me. You are doing a great job of picking out the truelly abusive ones from the non abusive members. This job cant be easy. Thank you for keeping everyone else safe. (passive aggressiveness at its best )

For me it's like the analogy of the home and the family. First the home has to be built - and it is just a buliding, empty and lifeless. It is the family who move into it that creates the home - and that is what it feels like here.

Sue - thank you for creating a safe 'home' for all of us. It is all of us who make this place the home that it is - a home should be safe, loving, caring, accepting, a place where everyone is valued for being themselves. It isn't going to be trouble free because life isn't that way - but we can work our way through with the support of a loving family.

Big hugs xx

Guess I just know that i'm not as strong and sorted as other people on this forum. There are some people I really admire cos they are further along on their journey and aren't locked up in fear like I am. They support other people on here and listen and "hold" them. I'm not at that point yet. I would like to be. When you talk about victims staying in that mode it feels like they are trapped there. That they can't move on. And what about the rescuer, what if one day it is them that needs rescued? Are they not allowed to break out of that mould and ask for help themselves? If bullies continue to be excluded and be known as the bad one then no wonder they will continue to bully. Rambling I know but just don't want to be stuck with a label because I am not the person I want to be at the moment. I'm constantly changing and growing and learning and my personality will too. This should be a place where people can do that and not feel like they can't because people only see them as one type of person.

For me it is more about the 'roles' each one has. Like in every family or group after a while people have their role. And I think your right, to label someone makes it harder for that person to change and for others to see that change.
I think it is up to to each person to take responsibility for how this whole group works. Of course there will be trouble at times and I think it is very easy to just blame one or two people and watch them fight and or just complain. If the group is to work ALL members have to use their voice.
I understand that this is not always possible as many people who come here, I would say most people who come here are very vulnerable and some are only just learning how to use their voice. I remember I came here and I only just found out that I actually did have a vouce of my own (and look at/listen to me now )
Yes it is the labels we give ourselves and labels others give us which keep us from moving forwards. Sometimes supporter and nurturer need support and nurtering too and this is were I find this forum a little bit unsafe as the boundaries are quite blurred. This forum is not just for people needing support it is also for counsellors (who do need support too) but I can see how this can sometimes cause confusion for some. Some people are put up on a pedestal when maybe they dont even want to be up there. (Thats just my theory)
We are all very vulnerable. Some might not show it. Others dont have a problem with showing it. But we are all vulnerable. In a way that is already labeling others as strong and sorted when really they might b e far from that but because I have that picture of someone as being strong and sorted I put them in a box.

I totally agree with you Katie. We are all in various places and moods and that is what life is about. That is why this forum mimics life. The best we can hope for is that people will be kind with us, when we are less than perfect.

i am blown away reading this thread. I am so grateful for finding this site - I was desperately looking for somewhere where I could be me and speak up and make friends. I remember my welcome here as if it was yesterday. I have been on a huge personal journey since finding this forum and continue to do so, and my journey is greatly inspired and supported by input and feedback I get from others. I did search for otehr forums before I found this one, and they lacked something - that more human touch that i feel from this forum. Although to be fair I didn't give other forums much of a chance - just I felt so welcomed and supported here that I stayed.

i have shared many things here, both in private and on the forum and have felt supported. I have made mistakes, repeated old patterns, did things that were wrong, yet am still supported.

I like your explanation Fran - creating the forum as the house, and then everyone who is a member helps make the forum what it is.

i do agree witht eh dicussion on roles and labels. I hate labels. It is like putting someone in a box and it is very difficult to get out of the box. I believe we all play different roles at different times, depending on the situation and how we are feeling within our selfs.

I'd like to thank everyone for their input on the forum. I am always learning from this forum and from you all.

Katie I when i talk of victims and bullies i talk of the labels people themselves put on themselves or have put on by others I was not putting those labels on anyone here I was referring to what 'they' the researchers and writers of groups have come to recognise that happens within a group. in the case of being a bully you might feel is quite a neg and yet as ive said many times befor and pastmember and katie

Quote:

aren't we all a little combination of all of the above

its within us all and to recognise and accept all parts of self is complete intergration of self . It happens within groups this labelling even when unspoken it is happening.

Quote:

This should be a place where people can do that and not feel like they can't because people only see them as one type of person.

And how you feel when you are here is largely down to self some people here already feel that is happening and others dont as Gilly said we are all on differrent roads of a journey and we will all see things so differrent.

Quote:

When you talk about victims staying in that mode it feels like they are trapped there

Who feels like they are trapped there Katie and who is keeping them there?

Katie no one here is labeling you . You are a precious wonderful beuatiful human being and thats no lable thats what we all are.

Hopefully our awareness grows Katie, just as yours is too.

My label... Rescuer.

I've taken a step back from rescuing at the mo, to be more 'present' hopefully be supportive without too much 'parent' mode.

I'd be interested to hear if anyone else knows the role they tend to gravitate to?


p.s. a huge thank you to Sue, she knows how much I value her work.

Facilitator , Moderator a role i put on myself and one that yep in my 'REAL' world i tend to do also. I love facilitating group work.

Just a part of me though Martin not all

I can sometimes be rescuer to and I know how this can sometimes disempower and take away the responsibilty and chance for the person to grow. (is that even a word?)

Guess i'm labelling myself and trapping myself