Please stick to these rules to keep this a safe place to post and get support.


It is OK to swear and cuss; anger and frustration is just another feeling/emotion and needs to be heard and acknowledged. But please do not to attack other members of this site.
Should there ever be any disagreement among members, please PM the admin or one of the mods to help solve any misunderstandings.


If there ever should be any problems with people who come in here to harm this forum or any other member we will have to bann them. We hope this will never happen, but if it does we will first talk to these people in PM and try to resolve things. If that doesnt work we will have to kick them out, Sowwy... but safety first.


It is OK to put a website link into your signature, if the link is about self growth or/and other support forums. We do not allow advertising websites who support pornography, gambeling and other nasty nasty things like that!!!



You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-oriented or any other material that may violate any applicable laws. Doing so may lead to you being immediately and permanently banned (and your service provider being informed). The IP address of all posts is recorded to aid in enforcing these conditions. You agree that the webmaster, administrator and moderators of this forum have the right to remove, edit, move or close any topic at any time should they see fit. As a user you agree to any information you have entered above being stored in a database. While this information will not be disclosed to any third party without your consent the webmaster, administrator and moderators cannot be held responsible for any hacking attempt that may lead to the data being compromised.


While the administrators and moderators of this forum will attempt to remove or edit any generally objectionable material as quickly as possible, it is impossible to review every message. Therefore you acknowledge that all posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author and not the administrators, moderators or webmaster (except for posts by these people) and hence will not be held liable.


Please introduce yourself on the "introduction" forum before you start posting and replying to posts. So everyone knows a lil bit about you and feels a lil safer. Thank you!


This forum system uses cookies to store information on your local computer. These cookies do not contain any of the information you have entered above; they serve only to improve your viewing pleasure. The e-mail address is used only for confirming your registration details and password (and for sending new passwords should you forget your current one).

_________________
Welcome to ACA!It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

Please would all members take a couple minutes to remind themselves of the Rules of this Site.

Thank you

Just a reminder that should you wish someone not to respond to your posts please let them know not via PM but on the boards and this wish will be respected if im not aware I cant act on it. Thank you.

Reviewing rules of board and much prefer the term board contract or boundaries of board. I would like to include members private section in the contract but wish to also include separate add ons to these. I am looking for input to this so we can come to an exceptable standard I know this undertaking will be huge and possible misgivings may be expressed but feel that due to recent events a more understandable and clear boundary will help all to stay safe.

Please give your views here, including what you feel should be included to keep you safe and any wants or wishes.

Thank you all

My vote...dont change anything.....

Thank you Martin

Just for people to respect people's boundaries in their personal spaces -whatever they may be. I think a few of us have been explicit about what we find helpful and acceptable in our spaces. We are all in different journeys and have different needs and personalities so maybe we all need to just think about that for a moment before we post something in someone's space. At the end of the day though none of us are perfect and well intentioned comments may sometimes be taken in the wrong way - however, I think that most of the time this doesn't happen. The only time a problem arises is when a person states their boundaries and this still seems to be ignored.

I guess, in my view, the person who's space it is should be allowed to view all comments and then it is their choice to state whether they feel they are helpful or not. Allow the person to state their own boundaries or let them approach a mod if they don't feel able to do that themselves. Unless something is posted in a space that is clearly abusive or malicious to that person, or another member, then I don't think it should be removed as that is taking away the power of the person who's space it is.

Thank you Katie your points are most usefull

Thank you kanga your points raise several options for going forward

I think the group rules need to somehow ask that strong views and need to debate are kept in the main boards so that we are able to stay away from them if we need - because they are not about the person whose thread it belongs to but about the person who needs to do that. If they are on our private threads we cannot get away from them and as we have seen it often causes pain. That also means that we do not address other members personally in a way that invites a response on someone elses thread because that also deflects away from the member whose thread it is and puts the other member in a very awkward position too. That is all i ask - that i can have my space without anyone trying to bring in something of their own and put it onto me and that if someone needs to speak personally to me they do it somewhere away from a personal and private thread. So i ask that those views are shared openly but without being made personal to this board or anyone on it inless of course that person chooses to bring their experience into a debate - and that is fine.

Fran xx

Thank you Fran your views are most helpfull in making the new board contract its all the wording now

I was wondering about placing a "may trigger" note on the debate section to enable others to make the decision to look at that particular section

Thank you starbright good idea

Hi All,

I guess it’s pretty much impossible to come up with a set of guidelines/rules/contract that covers everything explicitly. Having said that, I admire any attempt to move in that direction.

I agree with Kanga about intent: I really don’t believe that anyone on this forum posts anything with the intent of deliberately winding people up or causing offence. I accept that this occasionally happens on here – that’s the nature of communication, especially written communication. I also understand that people sometimes post views and opinions that are perceived as extreme, strong or just plain disagreeable to others but, again, I don’t believe that this is with any malicious intent. I agree too with the thought that we each have a responsibility to ourselves to keep ourselves safe: if something offends then we have a choice whether to read on or not.

I also think that Fran has several good points regarding content of private threads.

I don’t see anything that needs changing really with the current board guidelines (I guess it’s basically down to interpretation). However, maybe it’d be worth putting a bit more detail around the area of disputes, particularly in private spaces. I realise that this may not exactly be democratic but fundamentally a person’s private space is just that and ultimately maybe it should be up to them to decide the rules of their space (and make them explicit within that space): which posts stay, which get deleted and why. I’d liken this to someone visiting my home: ultimately it’s my space, I make the rules and I expect visitors to respect those rules out of respect for me. If they don’t feel able to do this then they either choose not to visit my home or I reserve the right to ask them to leave. Naturally, this is reciprocal if I should visit their home.

Regarding posts in the general forums, if a state is reached where people feel really strongly about putting their views and things look like they might escalate then maybe the thread could be moved to the rants and raves section. I know there will still be an element of morbid fascination that may appeal to people to “have a quick look to see how it’s going” (me included), but at least it would contain it. I know this has been done in the past and it seemed to be quite effective.

Ultimately, if it’s referred to a moderator or admin to deal with then maybe their decision should be final. I know – “what about people’s right to express their opinion?!” Well, presumably if it gets as far as a moderator or admin then the dispute is past the point where people can effectively communicate their opinions? Maybe the flaw in this is that it’s probably not fair to dump those kind of decisions on others?

As usual, I seem to have typed rather more that I initially anticipated! I hope that some of this may be useful. Bottom line: we’re all responsible adults and, as in any civilised group setting, each has responsibility for themselves and to others.

Thankyou DW

Quote:

Ultimately, if it’s referred to a moderator or admin to deal with then maybe their decision should be final. I know – “what about people’s right to express their opinion?!” Well, presumably if it gets as far as a moderator or admin then the dispute is past the point where people can effectively communicate their opinions

Dibs has already started re writing the new contract and has included an addition that takes in this point.

I have been pondering on the same line of haveing individual members do their own space rules I think I will do a general draft and then members may copy and paste this and add to or take anything away that does not apply. I like to analogy to our homes and how each as individuals we all have what acceptable and whats not. Its then up to each individual joining someones space to familiarise themselves with that persons rules.

Quote:

we’re all responsible adults and, as in any civilised group setting, each has responsibility for themselves and to others.

Thank you DW

I think one of the problems is that it seems to be very subjective what is considering breaking the rules and what isn't. In a small group like this, everyone's personal experience of someone else is bound to affect how they view a situation. If there has been an on-going sense of someone attacking another member for their opinions, then even something that to an outsider might look like innocent will feel like another attack to the person in question - it's all about the wider context.

Maybe there should be a rule about people not starting debate with each other in someone else's private space (unless the person whose space it is wants that, of course)? In other words, all replies in someone's private space should be directed at the person whose space it is.

And also for things that start in private spaces not to be brought to the open forum - more often than not this just seems to create more drama than the original situation was. And it also makes private spaces unsafe - what starts in private should stay private. I also agree with decadentlywasted that admin decisions should not be challenged on the open forum.

And finally on a different note, maybe also include a brief note about real names - I know some of us only want our real name to be used in private spaces to protect our privacy. If you're not sure which name to use, stick to board name.

Thank you Josephine your points are very relevant to this new board contract. I will be highlighting main points made at the weekend enabling me to bring together to form new board contract and sub section (private space rules) To take effect following week (Saturday 28th June) to give everyone time to become familiar with them. There will be no need to re join to agree these changes.

I'm also thinking that maybe there should be some more "official" warning system for rule breaking. Because it's all well and good for everyone to look after their own safety by not going to triggering threads, but it should also be common sense that if someone has been warned about their behaviour repeatedly that they wouldn't continue to do the same thing over and over to upset others.

I hope that makes sense, I didn't really know how to word it.